2019

So here I am, me, naked, starting a blog.

I must admit, I’m shy and I don’t have any courage. I’ve always been this way. I lack the courage to make decisions, to commit, to trust myself. I’ve always wondered if people will accept me and I’ve tried my best to please and impress people.

This led to a stagnation stage. I was too afraid of trying new things, learning, experimenting, trusting. I was, and I still am afraid of failing. What my friends will think of me if I say something stupid? What will happen if I’ll say something wrong during a presentation? What if I’ll ask a foolish question, during a presentation? What will the interviewer think if I say or do something wrong? What my friends/parents will think of me if I fail this interview? Why did that driver honk me? Did I make something wrong? What…if…something…stupid?

It’s easier to hide, to build a comfortable space and to stay there. It’s easier to feel safe and to avoid the harsh truth about yourself. I’m not smart. I’m not the wonder kid I used to think I was. I’m not athletic. I’m not a leader. I’m not funny. I’m not a good friend. I’m not the best boyfriend.

With this realization, I want to start 2019. My motto this year will be to “live uncomfortably”. I’m not what I thought I was, but that’s ok. It’s normal not always to be the best and the most…. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t overcome my fears and to live a more peaceful life.

That’s why this year I want to live uncomfortably. I want to start doing the things I was afraid of. I want to understand me better and to expose myself to the world. To internalized that it is normal and ok to fail. It’s ok to be sad, disappointment, jealous, slow or stupid.

And this is the first step. Exposing myself to the Internet. To the people that I know or don’t know. Hello!